The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
