well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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