I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
