imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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