first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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