Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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