So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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