He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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