i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you would pick up someone in the library
it glows. i had to have it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
