At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
