He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
