I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
