Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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