Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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