You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
