Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
