yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
