I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize