Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid