Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?