how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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