absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.