Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This baby is an asshole
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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