we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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