tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
