i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
