I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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