Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
