I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
