I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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