I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
