All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Green mimosas i think yes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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