Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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