dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
