If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
