He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
