i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
