i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
