one might say we're banned from that church
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
