Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize