can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
