I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
