the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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