i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
