drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
