i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
