i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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