Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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