Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
