You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
