Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
