I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
