im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
