Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
