Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
