Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
