Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
