you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
