did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this boner is exhausting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
