My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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