I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize