he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
