This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
