oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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