just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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