I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wear drunk well.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
