I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
