i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
