So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
