i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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