awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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