She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
