I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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