My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
