well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
