I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
