new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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