The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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