No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
