She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
