i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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