You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
