Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
