fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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