I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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