I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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