I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
