My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
