just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
